Awkward Faces of Gráinne Maguire
1. My face when someone is explaining something to me that I already know, and I don’t want to interrupt them, but I’m panicked my face is screaming “I hate you! Stop talking! Just save time, assume we know the same things and move on!”
2. My face when a man keeps adding joke ‘toppers’ to everything I say and I have to pause, wait for him to finish, do a weak “haha” and then continue with that I was saying. I’m worried my face is saying “I want to drown you in a well and leave you to the rats.”
3. My face when I mention something, and a man feels the need to tell me everything he knows about that topic before I can get back to what I was saying. I’m worried my face is saying “Will I always feel this sad?”
4. My face when I’m in a green room talking to another female comedian and a male comedian in his twenties walks in, interrupts our conversation to explain back to us what we’re talking about, so he can comment on it to the imaginary film crew that follows him around constantly. I’m trying to look relaxed but inside I’m thinking “If I murder him, will I get a Netflix series?”
5. My face when I’m talking to a new act, and I can tell they have zero respect for me because I have never been on an ITV2 panel show. They’ve now started talking about a comic I think is truly dreadful, like they're Richard Pryor, because this comic *has* been on an ITV2 panel show. I feel my soul leave my body, but I have to carry on staring at them, repeating to myself “Every person you meet, knows something you don’t” - because the alternative is to run out of the building screaming.
6. My face when I’m with a bunch of comedian friends and one of them has a podcast and I realise I’m the only one who hasn’t been asked to be on the podcast and don’t get me wrong - it’s not like I feel entitled to be on every podcast but I also don’t understand why I haven’t been asked on this one, since EVERYONE ELSE HAS and I feel my heart racing and I’m worried people have clocked “oh no Gráinne has just twigged she’s the only one who hasn’t been on the podcast, how awkward I really hope she doesn’t bring it up, then we’d have to explain to her the real reason why she hasn’t been asked on- which is so OBVIOUS to everyone else and it would crush her, and be so uncomfortable for us” and I’m thinking “IM NOT GOING TO BRING IT UP!” But also, but what if I did? I don’t even want to be on it anyway. God. Can we please just relax and enjoy this fascinating conversation whatever it is we’re talking about????
7. My face when someone has just asked me if I’m from ‘Southern Ireland’.
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